Yesterday's entry set me thinking ...
If (incorrect) assumptions are “the mother of all fuck-ups”, hidden assumptions are the mother of all misunderstandings. And if you combine the two, you get a sour cocktail of mistakes and misunderstandings. Add unrealistic and/or hidden expectations and stir, and let this sour-bitter mix ferment for a few years, to let the anger evaporate. Serve lukewarm to get depression, cynicism, and a host of other problems.
NB: the hidden assumptions and expectations include not only the ones you hide from others, but also the ones you hide from yourself. Assumptions can be a bit like traffic rules in that most people find it much easier to identify the incorrect assumptions (or traffic violations) of others, than their own. And if you compare the top and middle rows, you see how important it is to make assumptions and expectations explicit: it is often easier to overcome mistakes and disappointment than correct misunderstandings and handle frustration.
To those who don’t like bitter-sour cocktails, the solution seems obvious: first, you have to make all your assumptions and expectations explicit, then you have to make sure they are as correct and realistic as possible. But as with almost everything, this is much easier said than done.
One assumption I often make, for example, is that certain people share my values (and especially honesty), and I am often unpleasantly surprised to find that they do not. You would think, after so many years on this planet, I would have learned my lesson, but my default attitude is still mostly the same: I presume honesty even if there is clear evidence to the contrary. And I think this is because this default attitude of mine is less “nurture” (something you learn) than “nature” (part of my personality).
If this is true of humans in general, it would mean solving the above problems could take half a lifetime. To which I can only say, given the advantages, have you got anything better to do with your time? :-)
If (incorrect) assumptions are “the mother of all fuck-ups”, hidden assumptions are the mother of all misunderstandings. And if you combine the two, you get a sour cocktail of mistakes and misunderstandings. Add unrealistic and/or hidden expectations and stir, and let this sour-bitter mix ferment for a few years, to let the anger evaporate. Serve lukewarm to get depression, cynicism, and a host of other problems.
|
Assumptions |
Expectations |
Both together, short term |
Both, long term |
Incorrect or unrealistic |
Mistakes |
Disappointment |
Mistakes and |
Depression, cynicism, |
Hidden |
Misunderstandings |
Frustration |
Mistakes, misunderstandings, |
|
Incorrect and hidden |
Mistakes and |
Frustration and |
Mistakes, |
NB: the hidden assumptions and expectations include not only the ones you hide from others, but also the ones you hide from yourself. Assumptions can be a bit like traffic rules in that most people find it much easier to identify the incorrect assumptions (or traffic violations) of others, than their own. And if you compare the top and middle rows, you see how important it is to make assumptions and expectations explicit: it is often easier to overcome mistakes and disappointment than correct misunderstandings and handle frustration.
To those who don’t like bitter-sour cocktails, the solution seems obvious: first, you have to make all your assumptions and expectations explicit, then you have to make sure they are as correct and realistic as possible. But as with almost everything, this is much easier said than done.
One assumption I often make, for example, is that certain people share my values (and especially honesty), and I am often unpleasantly surprised to find that they do not. You would think, after so many years on this planet, I would have learned my lesson, but my default attitude is still mostly the same: I presume honesty even if there is clear evidence to the contrary. And I think this is because this default attitude of mine is less “nurture” (something you learn) than “nature” (part of my personality).
If this is true of humans in general, it would mean solving the above problems could take half a lifetime. To which I can only say, given the advantages, have you got anything better to do with your time? :-)
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