One of my (many, many) pet peeves is lack of clarity in written or oral expression. In the last few weeks, the issue has come up several times. At work, I usually spend a lot of time making my professional emails as clear as possible. I do this not so much as a matter of principle or courtesy to the reader, but more to avoid misunderstandings, which are very inefficient. Even so, the other day, I used my own mental shorthand in an email. As I hit the “send” button, I knew that there was something wrong, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on the problem, and I had already spent more than two hours whittling it down to a more palatable size, and needed to send it. It was not long before I got a request for clarification.
At home, people often assume that things will be better: the combination of shared experiences and the hours of practice often make it possible to communicate certain things very effectively. But other times domestic communication, and especially between partners, can be a complete disaster. My personal collection includes vagueness as an art form (“could you give me that thing from over there, honey?”) and the unfinished thought (as in “I was thinking that on Sunday we could …” followed by a long, totally meaningless silence).
I blame familiarity. Not that I would go as far as to call this kind of laziness “contempt”, but it is a bit like working in a laboratory with dangerous substances. After a while, you tend to forget how dangerous the substances are, and you start getting sloppy. Please note that I am not trying to compare family members with dangerous substances (although some are), just that you should take care not to assume that others will know what you mean just because you know what you mean. 20 years of marriage does not a mind reader make.
Of course, effective communication really is a lot of work. In my case, I have the added difficulty of having to cross cultural and linguistic boundaries, but even within the same language and culture communication it can be more effort than most people are willing to put into it. But – and here I return to one of my hobby horses – it is again a question of finding the right balance between the (often illusionary) short term gain and the long term advantage. Taking the effort to word things in such a way that they not only *can* be understood, but are very difficult to misunderstand, is good practice at work and home alike.
Now all I need do is find the correct cost/benefit ratio …
At home, people often assume that things will be better: the combination of shared experiences and the hours of practice often make it possible to communicate certain things very effectively. But other times domestic communication, and especially between partners, can be a complete disaster. My personal collection includes vagueness as an art form (“could you give me that thing from over there, honey?”) and the unfinished thought (as in “I was thinking that on Sunday we could …” followed by a long, totally meaningless silence).
I blame familiarity. Not that I would go as far as to call this kind of laziness “contempt”, but it is a bit like working in a laboratory with dangerous substances. After a while, you tend to forget how dangerous the substances are, and you start getting sloppy. Please note that I am not trying to compare family members with dangerous substances (although some are), just that you should take care not to assume that others will know what you mean just because you know what you mean. 20 years of marriage does not a mind reader make.
Of course, effective communication really is a lot of work. In my case, I have the added difficulty of having to cross cultural and linguistic boundaries, but even within the same language and culture communication it can be more effort than most people are willing to put into it. But – and here I return to one of my hobby horses – it is again a question of finding the right balance between the (often illusionary) short term gain and the long term advantage. Taking the effort to word things in such a way that they not only *can* be understood, but are very difficult to misunderstand, is good practice at work and home alike.
Now all I need do is find the correct cost/benefit ratio …
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