Thursday, May 31, 2012

Ranting and raving

There are lots of things that I can get upset about, but I have discovered that if I take the trouble to write my opinions down properly (by which I mean using rational arguments, as oppposed to just ranting and raving, spewing bile, regurgitating truisms and reaffirming cliches) I generally calm down quite a lot. It is somehow soothing to know that you can argue your case. So soothing, in fact, that winning arguments on the issue suddenly matters much less than before. And I think the reason for this is that "doing your homework" increases your confidence to the point that there is no need to be defensive. In the context of opinions, defensive behaviour ("Constantly protecting oneself from criticism, exposure of one's shortcomings, or other real or perceived threats to the ego", according to the FreeDictionary entry for defensive) is generally a attempt to cut off discussion and impose your own opinion, and many people do this when they are not too sure of themselves in the first place.

Unfortunately, it is not always easy to know when someone is being defensive because they haven´t thought things through (for whatever reason, and there are many), or when they try to cut off discussion because they feel they have thought things through, have reached conclusions that need no further discussion, and resent having to explain things, or lack patience. Often, I expect, there is a mixture of both.

Of course it can take a lot of time to find good arguments for things, especially if you are already quite emotional about something (which usually means you have a vested interest in not asking too many searching questions about it). In some cases, you will probably have to admit there is no good reason for this or that opinion. I expect to be thinking things through the rest of my life, possibly up until the very last moment. And then, hopefully, I will just accept that it really doesn't matter any more, and finally get some peace of mind! (It can be really tiring thinking everything through ...) 

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