The other day, while watching an episode of "Monk" (an obsessive-compulsive detective), I started thinking about how important control is to us all. Monk (and presumably, many obsessive compulsive people) tries to compensate for the gap between what he would like to control (just about everything) and what he actually controls (very little) by imposing control where-ever possible, in the form of useless but comforting routines (touching all the lampposts along his way, etc.). Obviously, he is very aware of the gap, and he does not really accept the fact that very little can be done about it.
The three most important elements in the above description are the size of the gap between what we want to control and what we can control (which depends more on our own expectations and assumptions than anything else), our awareness of that gap (some people hardly seem to notice that there is one, while for others, it is crucial), and our acceptance of it.
As far as the real (as opposed to the perceived) size of the gap is concerned, we can only control a very little bit: we grow up to learn a certain degree muscle control, and we try to control our own emotions and our own thoughts, but most of us are only partially successful at that. Of the outside world, we can perhaps control small physical objects, and we can exert an influence over (but do not really control) the thoughts and feelings of others in our direct environment (friends, family members, colleagues), but very few of us are in a position to influence (much less control) larger groups of people, except in certain situations.
Awareness: I think fear has an important role to play in this. It is of course perfectly possible to be aware of the gap without being unduly concerned about it, but fear will definitely increase the awareness. Unfortunately, fear also tends to make matters worse, because it can make it very difficult to accept the gap, which is the first step towards any kind of control.
And as far as acceptance is concerned, knowing what is realistic helps a lot. Notwithstanding - or perhaps thanks to - many infantile attempts to fly, most adults find it relatively easy to accept that humans cannot fly without help from some kind of machine. In fact, a large part of growing up consists of exactly that: learning about your own limitations and in some cases finding ways to get around them.
And they say t.v. teaches us nothing!
Now if only it would teach me to accept my own limitations ...
The three most important elements in the above description are the size of the gap between what we want to control and what we can control (which depends more on our own expectations and assumptions than anything else), our awareness of that gap (some people hardly seem to notice that there is one, while for others, it is crucial), and our acceptance of it.
As far as the real (as opposed to the perceived) size of the gap is concerned, we can only control a very little bit: we grow up to learn a certain degree muscle control, and we try to control our own emotions and our own thoughts, but most of us are only partially successful at that. Of the outside world, we can perhaps control small physical objects, and we can exert an influence over (but do not really control) the thoughts and feelings of others in our direct environment (friends, family members, colleagues), but very few of us are in a position to influence (much less control) larger groups of people, except in certain situations.
Awareness: I think fear has an important role to play in this. It is of course perfectly possible to be aware of the gap without being unduly concerned about it, but fear will definitely increase the awareness. Unfortunately, fear also tends to make matters worse, because it can make it very difficult to accept the gap, which is the first step towards any kind of control.
And as far as acceptance is concerned, knowing what is realistic helps a lot. Notwithstanding - or perhaps thanks to - many infantile attempts to fly, most adults find it relatively easy to accept that humans cannot fly without help from some kind of machine. In fact, a large part of growing up consists of exactly that: learning about your own limitations and in some cases finding ways to get around them.
And they say t.v. teaches us nothing!
Now if only it would teach me to accept my own limitations ...
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