In reaction to my last post (on How to say NO), I received a request to write an entry on how to say YES. I'm not sure it's really necessary - saying yes is as easy as falling off a log - but it's a fun request, and in any case, I wouldn't want to say no.
The trick to saying yes is to do the opposite of saying no. So while it is best to deliver a NO as quickly as possible, you can usually delay a YES without much risk. This means, among other things, that it is perfectly okay to get drawn into long discussions about the merits of the request, and all the more so if you are giving off signals that create a positive expectation, a tension which will resolve itself in a mutually satisfactory manner when you finally actually use the yes-word.
You can also pretend that you need to think about something before saying yes, and you can even actually say no at first, then change your mind later, but that does depend a bit on the situation. You could for example be forgiven for yelling "NO! I will never marry you, you are a horrible person and I hate you" during a heated but private argument then changing your mind later, but it is more difficult if you do so after just having been asked "will you marry this woman" at the altar, and you only change your mind after everyone - including the caterer, your family and the driver of the wedding limousine - has gone home.
It is also okay not say anything, and just do whatever is asked of you: actions can speak louder than words.
I would however like to end this entry with a word of warning. Saying "yes" is dangerous and addictive, so please do so with due care. Saying "no" (or mouthing "read my lips" in an attempt to lighten the mood with humour) may have unpleasant side-effects in the short term (a slap in the face, rejection, getting fired, etc.), but overdosing on yes is like a chronic debilitating illness, which ruins your life bit by bit, slowly diverting all your energy into things that other people want, but you don't. If you have doubts - if you are not really sure you want to say yes - don't say yes. And if you really don't want to say no, there's always "maybe".
The trick to saying yes is to do the opposite of saying no. So while it is best to deliver a NO as quickly as possible, you can usually delay a YES without much risk. This means, among other things, that it is perfectly okay to get drawn into long discussions about the merits of the request, and all the more so if you are giving off signals that create a positive expectation, a tension which will resolve itself in a mutually satisfactory manner when you finally actually use the yes-word.
You can also pretend that you need to think about something before saying yes, and you can even actually say no at first, then change your mind later, but that does depend a bit on the situation. You could for example be forgiven for yelling "NO! I will never marry you, you are a horrible person and I hate you" during a heated but private argument then changing your mind later, but it is more difficult if you do so after just having been asked "will you marry this woman" at the altar, and you only change your mind after everyone - including the caterer, your family and the driver of the wedding limousine - has gone home.
It is also okay not say anything, and just do whatever is asked of you: actions can speak louder than words.
I would however like to end this entry with a word of warning. Saying "yes" is dangerous and addictive, so please do so with due care. Saying "no" (or mouthing "read my lips" in an attempt to lighten the mood with humour) may have unpleasant side-effects in the short term (a slap in the face, rejection, getting fired, etc.), but overdosing on yes is like a chronic debilitating illness, which ruins your life bit by bit, slowly diverting all your energy into things that other people want, but you don't. If you have doubts - if you are not really sure you want to say yes - don't say yes. And if you really don't want to say no, there's always "maybe".
No comments:
Post a Comment