Risk management in the family

The conclusion (if you can call it that) of a previous entry about different approaches to risks when bringing up children was that it is important, however difficult, to distinguish between unnecessary risks, which should be avoided, and risks that can be reduced by controlled exposure.

Here's another installment on the same subject: psychological tactics to use. Most parents would prefer their children to stay away from drugs (certainly including cigarettes and alcohol, and possibly even chocolate and coffee, or at least, excessive use thereof), to stay within the law, to find a good job, to give and receive love and respect etc. But how to do this? Some time ago at a social event, a colleague suggested giving the wrong example, because teenagers generally try to avoid doing what their parents do. (I assume this was a joke, but I am not 100% sure - she brought her case with considerable vigor and conviction). Unfortunately, of course, this type of reverse psychology really only works for responsible behavior. Children are perfectly happy to copy irresponsible behavior.

Some people (including, to a certain extent, my own parents when I was young) try to protect their children by minimizing their exposure to people with a less desirable lifestyle (criminals, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc.), but that type of protection only leaves children completely unprepared and clueless on how to react to certain situations or people. I think that in most cases, limited (and controlled) exposure to less pleasant and/or potentially dangerous things is a better tactic. It is a bit like vaccination: you expose yourself to small doses of potentially dangerous germs in order to allow your body to make antibodies. That, and informing them as fully, honestly and objectively as possible about the possible consequences of certain choices. And then sit back and hope they do what you want them to do ... :-)