Repression and over-protectiveness

The other day, under the shower, I had one of those fleeting thoughts that seem to make perfect sense when you have them, but elude explanation afterwards. The thought was this: being over-protective about your children's safety is somehow similar to the repression, by society, of certain behaviours, such as drug use. It took me three days to find a more or less rational explanation for this intuitive mental leap.

The explanation is that being over-protective delays the transition from dependence to independence, and the sooner they can statnd on their own two feet, the better. This is not to say that we should let our children run wild, and learn everything all by themselves: parents definitely have a role to play. But the role should be one of guiding, helping them learn things, not telling them what to do every step of the way.

Every day, when we arrive home, my children crowd around the front door to get it, and I have to try to keep the youngest from bumping her head against the sharp metal corner of the mailbox while opening the door. My telling her to watch her head does not seem to help much - she is of the age and the height where her head seems to be magically and irresistably attracted to corners - and I am beginning to think she will have to hurt herself, possibly several times, to learn the lesson. The same applies to a lot of things children have to learn by experimentation, such as all the balance games they play (I only intervene when I think it really is too dangerous).


So how is this similar to drug use? Surely I am not suggesting that we should teach people how to use drugs? Well, in a sense, I am. I think it is time to admit we have lost the "war on drugs" and that some people are going to use drugs anyway, no matter what we do. If so, it makes more sense to focus on reducing the negative effects of drug use, both for the individual, and for the society. This is not to say that I would encourage it (any more than I encourage my children to experiment with their balance games), but repression is clearly not the answer, at least not in the long term.

The problem, of course, is fear. Fear is pretty effective at blocking reasonable arguments, and in both cases (as parents and as members of society) we have good reason to be afraid. But at least, it seems, we are slowly beginning to dismantle the worst taboos about drugs. It may have not yet quite reached mainstream US. television (a impregnable bastion of conventiality and traditionalism), but not so long ago, a fictional police chief in the HBO series "The Wire" actually established a prosecution-free drug zone in Baltimore.

Now if only I could stop cringing everytime my daughters take yet another risky step towards independence ...